“Live your life as if nothing is a miracle, or everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein
People often ask me what spirituality means to me? This post will shed a light on that …
Last week I traveled back to the spa in Arizona, where I had last year’s horse experience with Fancy (see my previous post for the back story). Similar to my previous encounter, I was standing outside the arena observing three horses munching on hay as Lucinda, the equine specialist and coach, spoke about the upcoming experience, explaining that my only task was to choose which horse to work with. I looked at the three horses, two had fly masks on and one did not. The horse that did not, was stunning and as I watched him, two thoughts came to mind, I think he is a mustang and he probably does not tolerate fly masks. My dad had a mustang and I felt called to work with Te Amo, would I be brave enough for that choice? I began an internal discussion…
Last year, all I wanted to do was walk the labyrinth in the arena with Fancy and if you have read my previous post, that is not what went down! Lucinda and I entered the arena and she asked me to describe to her what I was feeling. I said, “my shoulders feel heavy and my hands are trembling.” Then like most clients, I told her why I “thought” I was feeling that… must be related to my years showing Hunter Jumpers and those nerves of proving myself. Lucinda pointed out, she just asked what I was feeling and not my “thoughts” about what I was feeling. She prompted again, “what emotion went with the feeling in your body?” And it dawned on me, it was grief.
Side note: grief is brutal, just when you think you have a handle on it BANG – there it is.
Thankfully, Lucinda allowed me to name my feeling, my grief and let it be. The connection to horses and my dad is powerful and acknowledging this empowered me to accept the grief and not fight it. Grief is painful and at times so overwhelming, as a habit, once I feel it, I typically push it down. Acceptance of the grief kept it gentler for me, acceptance did not allow it to swallow me, acceptance allowed me to feel the loss of my Dad and his love in a comforting way – lesson one for the day! As I was working through the feelings, Lucinda asked, “Which horse would you like to work with for the experience?” I stood there and Jewel, a lovely mare, approached me, this was the safe choice. But I realized, I truly had nothing to lose after last year’s embarrassment and asked Lucinda if I could work with Te Amo. She said yes, he would likely not allow her to put a halter on him and it would be a different experience, but yes. She asked me, “What are you looking to get out of this?” I answered, “Acceptance of whatever the experience would be.” I was willing to let go of the outcome to just accept whatever lesson was to come.
Te Amo had moved to the center of the arena and was munching on wild grasses that had grown around the labyrinth stones. So I walked to the labyrinth and thought, here goes nothing, I will just walk the path. Eventually, the path moved me into Te Amo’s space and I was having another internal discussion, should I keep going? I decided to continue my walk through the labyrinth. Te Amo did move as I came into his space, but he just shifted into another part of the labyrinth, staying in the space with me.
I completed the walk through the labyrinth and came to the side to process the experience with Lucinda. I realized I had achieved my goal set the previous year… to walk the labyrinth with a horse, not just any horse, a horse with no halter, in full choice of where he was. The experience was amazing and spiritual. What a gift. Leaning into the acceptance of grief, being brave enough to risk a less predictable outcome – I was fulfilled. To me this is spirituality – hearing the gentle nudges, accepting guidance in many forms to find your truth, and feeling the love and presence of the beauty of what is always around you. I will continue to process and learn and “think” about this experience, but “feeling this magic” is the gift, being in the miracle with acceptance and love. Te Amo.
