Fancy
I had a very humbling experience with a horse last April. Once I got through the anger and disappointment and embarrassment – turns out it was a learning experience worth having. A lesson I needed and still need often…
I grew up riding and showing horses, hunter jumper – I love horses and was very excited to have a horse experience at a spa in Arizona. I arrived at the barn with a group of people and was thinking to myself I would be able to have a “higher-level” experience with the horses given my background – haha.
Starting out in the arena were several horses and you “chose” your horse to simply lead around the arena through obstacles. They had a labyrinth in the arena and in my mind I was sure I would be able to lead the horse through the labyrinth and get a great message from the Universe. I got a message alright… but not the one I wanted.
Two horses caught my eye in the arena, a chestnut gelding (similar coloring to my horse I grew up riding) and a bay mare. Mares are different then geldings, I find them to be more complex and challenging to work with, they tend to express their preferences strongly at times. Since we were going to simply lead the horse in the arena – I chose the mare. I walked up to her and was given her lead line and started to walk… she did not move. Over a period of twenty to thirty minutes she took a total of maybe ten to twelve steps, never in a straight line, and she made it very clear she was not going to walk through the labyrinth… I could not even get her to walk more than three steps at a time.
The wrangler came over to check on me… she asked what I do in life when things are not going my way, I responded I work harder, she asked again what if that doesn’t work… I said I work harder. She asked how that was working… I was on the verge of tears, having a loud range of voices in my head of very colorful language. I was so angry at the mare, at myself, and of course the wrangler because why not spread all of it around…
We sat down to recap our experience in the group. I was only able to say I was not sure what the lesson was… it was going to take time to process the experience. I was still on the verge of tears. The wrangler let me know the horse I chose was named Fancy and she was well known for doing what she wants when she wants. The information did not help me feel any better. I was ready for a drink!
When I spoke with my husband later detailing the experience to him, he laughed, not helpful! He said Bud you are that mare… welcome to my world. His humor did let me gain some levity from the situation and experience. After a year of processing the experience, I am still learning from Fancy’s resistance to move.
- I can bring my best self to an experience and not get the outcome I want, I do not get to control outcomes – keeping my focus on what I can bring and releasing the attachment to what happens as a result is a constant lesson for me
- Why am I writing this now… because I am using a nutrition device called Lumen and all last week I was perfect with my macros… and yet my outcome (my morning measurement) was not good
- I was literally angry every morning when I did not get my desired reading
- Every morning I was upset from not getting an outcome rather than focusing on the excellence I was bringing to my nutritional habits
- Here I was again letting an outcome discount my excellence, who I am – constant reminder to not be tied to the outcome
If the mare does not move does that change who I am? Or can I bring the best I have to offer and let go of the rest?
- apparently with the Lumen I forgot the message and it literally was a dark cloud over every morning – a number does not determine my worth the outcome does not define my excellence